Third person, singular – He. He is not going to tell you “I love you” every day, with or without a reason, and he is not going to tell you how beautiful you are. He will be silent and thoughtful while you are plaiting your hair in front of the mirror.
He won’t wake you up with a kiss or give you a tickle, scramble eggs for you or make you coffee. But he will fall asleep after you, he will make sure you are well-covered, and in the morning, while you are still sleeping in his hands, he will get out of bed and leave for work without waking you up. He is not going to take away your sleep, Beauty! He will forget about some holiday, petrified by your deadly look at him coming home with empty hands, but one day, while you are walking the dog, he will surprise you with an enormous bunch of flowers. And stop acting weird asking, “Are they for me?!” Of course, they are for you, honey, do you think they are for the dog?
You won’t know how much it hurts him and how much he loved his ex because he will keep silent. And he will never tell you if he loves you more, stop being so difficult! He has you, why on earth would he need more?! He is never going to admit his feelings, stop this girl stuff already! No matter how much you judge him, this has been judged for his character many times and whether you hit him with a slap or bitter tears, it will hurt him equally. But he will choose the most violent hit in the face to seeing you cry.
Don’t look for his words, the silence is deafening enough. Don’t dig into his wounds and don’t bind them up with questions. Don’t talk blindly! Keep silent with him for a while. Rest your head on his shoulder and listen to his heartbeat. Whatever questions you may ask, each answer is worth one “I understand!” on your part.
But one day, out of a sudden, you are going to end up at a game of his favourite team, wearing their team scarf, surrounded by a dozen of his shouting friends and 30,000 more people. And you will never again think that your relationship lacks publicity. And when you crash your new company car, your phone will explode with calls from insurance agents and colleagues – all of them evaluating the damage. He will only want to know if you are fine. He would go against all humanity, but you would be always safe. He will leave the last piece of cake for you, he will buy you a raincoat and he will remind you what you were wearing the day he saw you for the first time. He will never pay attention to how much you have spent on dresses and shoes, but one evening, while he is crossing your way at the bar, he is going to hug you and whisper into your year, “You are wonderful – you and your dress – it fits like a glove!”
Whatever faults he may have, no matter how long he remains silent, don’t try to dig into his soul. Don’t hurt him by trying to change him. Don’t turn his heart inside out just to see how much space there is. Read his lips while he is kissing you, read his eyes while he is holding you. No, there are no princes or villains in the third person. He is not one either. But you wandered through all kingdoms, you turned all fairy tales upside down, and you gave them all up, remember?! Nobody turned out to be strong enough. No matter how magical they were, you always wanted more. Perhaps this is your more. Your third person, singular.
Text: Eva Koleva