Woman, mother, wife, lover, confidant… there are so many roles a woman should be able to pull off, sometimes even simultaneously, that naturally often she feels overwhelmed and exhausted. I often feel that way and i wonder why we enforce all those roles onto us?! Do we all need to fulfill the idea of a superwoman imposed by the society and mostly men?! The romantic idea of the perfect woman in the 1950s was a housewife, who cleans, cooks, does the dishes and take care of the children all in all wearing an elegant dress, pearls, and heels with make-up on and a hairdo.
Nowadays, added to all that we are supposed to work and contribute equally to the home budget… Frustrating, isn’t it?! Being lost in all those roles , I often feel the inner rebel in me screaming – “Where the hell are you, girl?!”. “Where is the free, careless, and fun-loving girl you once were?”. “Where are all those spontaneous trips, the smiles, the laughter, the cheeky attitude and the flirtatious relationship with your life?”. “Where is the free-spirited girl, who would dance all night long, go skinny dipping under the moonlight, make new friends everywhere she goes and charm her way out of any trouble?” I miss her, I miss her when I get up, prepare breakfast, lunch, supper, clean the house, do the dishes, take the kid out to the park, do the shopping, plan the family events, doctor’s appointments, and on top of that be a high-level manager at work, who is expected to always take one step further to meet the clients’ expectations and engage her team.
Often I lay down at night in bed so exhausted and do trying to go to sleep with my mind restlessly going through the list of the things that need to be done, the people that need to be called, the tasks that need to be managed. I lay down and dream that I have one day when I can wake up when I am fully rested and slept soundly through the whole night. I dream that I wake up and just lay in bed, enjoying the rays of the sun dancing on my curtains. I dream that I go and take a long shower, make coffee for myself and drink in slowly, reading my favorite magazine, I dream that… “Mommy… mooommyyy” – a sweet voice calls me and i feel the tender arms and sweet smell of my baby boy’s breath on my face. I open my eyes and smile… I am happy, and it’s all worthwhile!
I love my inner me, I know you are there and want to be set free from time to time and I will make sure you truly are, I promise! Now let me get some cuddle time and go make breakfast.
Text: Zlatina Zlateva
Photo: Aline Weber by Kai Z Feng for Stockholm Magazine A/W 12