Today, I miss the most the fact that there is nobody to share my breakfast with. There is nobody to ask where my keys to the front door are. It is not as if I am terribly sleepy and you are tickling me and asking me to wake up because you have something to tell me. It is just not the same! Because you are far…
There is no other person on the earth who recognises my voice from kilometres in the street among so many other people. Nobody else recognises the different types of silence when speaking to me on the phone – because I am sleeping, because I am ill or because I don’t feel like talking to anyone. To this very day, I don’t know how you do this – how you know where to stand on the platform of the station so that you could be exactly in front of the door which I am going to get off through. Nobody waits for me so silently and nobody sees me off so confidently, saying, “I know that you will make it!” And there is nobody that I want to come back to as much as I want to come back to you. Because nobody else is able to hold my hand the way you do!
Nobody is as far as you are when somebody hates me and abuses me. And nobody is able to be so close when I walk on all possible edges of all possible precipices. There is no other person who recognises the notes of anxiety in my voice when I am actually laughing. Nobody else knows the signs of tiredness in my eyes when I wake up.
Nobody else is happier than you are when I say, “I’m great!” Nobody celebrates my victories the way you do when I shout, “I won!” Nobody understands me so clearly and nobody argues with me so audaciously!
And wherever I am today, wherever I am headed tomorrow, you are this inseparable part of me, without which my blood wouldn’t be the same – my brother. You remain half of my heart. When I walk on a rope and I step ahead, you look me in the eyes and you walk on the same rope, but backwards. You make a step, I make a step. And I say, “If you fall, we fall together…” You say, “If you fall, I will catch you!”
There is no philosophy in these relationships. Between brothers and sisters there is no logic or history, nobody leaves first. Nobody stops loving, nobody abandons the other. There is no adultery and nobody loves more than the other. A particular type of love – one and the same, constant in its faithfulness. Sound in its integrity. Whole.
And every time we think of them – our brothers or sisters, we have nothing left to do apart from thinking, “I’m not alone in this world!”, and smiling silently.
Text: Eva Koleva