WOODY ALLEN KNOWS HOW TO MAKE EVEN GOD LAUGH… WITH HIS PLANS

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Impossibly hilarious, whimsical and witty – this is how we know Woody Allen. His talent as a comedian, scriptwriter and director surpass all expectations. He manages to create storms in his films and provoke society to challeng the existing stereotypes.

He starts off by writing scripts for sketches and directing them in the 1950s, and a decade later he tries his luck as a stand-up comedian. In 2004 he is ranked fourth among the 100 best performers in this genre. In the 70s he continues writing scripts, but this time for films – initially comedies and later dramas, inspired by the European cinema.



Woody Allen’s huge success comes with Annie Hall. The film receives four Oscar awards in 1978. But during the ceremony he is playing with his band, then he turns off his phone when he gets home, and only finds out that he is awarded the prize the next morning. The first time he is actually present at the official event is almost two decades later, in 2002.

His talent has been honoured with a total of 131 film awards and 199 nominations. Apart from his most famous Annie Hall and Manhattan, we could also add some of our favourite films he created like Vicky Cristina Barcelona, You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, Midnight in Paris, as well as the 2016 Café Society.



Woody Allen explains life and gives us directions for use in some of his best quotes. Here they are:

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

“80 percent of success owes to ostentation.”

“If people had more sense of humour, we would live in a completely different world.”

“Integrity and honesty are very precious gifts. Do not expect them from cheap people. ”

“If I had a tattoo, it would say “Mommy”.”

“When my parents overheard the rumour that I had been kidnapped, they immediately rented out my room.”

“If only God could give me some kind of a clear sign! A huge deposit under my name in a Swiss bank, for example.”

“In Los Angeles they don’t truck trash anymore. Instead, they turn it into a TV show.”

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”



“I believe in the all-seeing eye, which follows our every move from above. Unfortunately, this is the government.”

“There is a huge difference between love and sex: sex takes away the feeling of uneasiness, love creates it.”

“My wife doesn’t want to grow up. I am taking a shower and she is sinking my ships.”

“I sometimes think about killing myself. But I am such a lame person that this would probably be only a temporary solution to the problem.”

“On oral contraception, briefly: I invited a girl to get laid with me and she said, “No”.”

“I am the boss at home, my wife just takes the decisions.”

“I myself am practically heterosexual, but bisexuality doubles your chances of an encounter on a Saturday evening.”

“The brain is my second favourite organ.”

“We were considering what to choose: going to the Bahamas or getting divorced. At the end of the day, we decided that the Bahamas are only a pleasure for two weeks, while a proper divorce remains for life.”

“Wealth is to be preferred to poverty, but only for financial reasons.”

“If you keep failing again and again, this is a sign that you are doing something innovative.”

“I want to live my next life backwards. You start dead. Then you wake up in an old people’s home and every day you feel better and better. They kick you out of it, because you are too healthy and you go and take your pension. On your first working day they give you a gold watch and throw a party for you. After forty years of work you are young enough to enjoy your retirement. You have fun, you drink alcohol and have wild sex, until you are ready for high school. Then you go to the kindergarten, you become a child and you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby and then you get born. Afterwards you spend nine months in luxurious SPA surroundings with central heating and room service, while the room is getting bigger and bigger every single day and finally, voilà! You end with an orgasm.”

Text: Ivayla Vlahova

Photos: Press

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